REFLECTION: Wait, It's Almost Over Already?

Wow, I didn't realize it's New Years Eve so soon. I think I lost all that excitement for the new year.  It just feels like any other day.  Once New Years Day comes and goes, it's back to whatever we were doing before.  It doesn't feel that special anymore.  A lot has happened this year, though, and I'm thankful for new changes, even though sometimes I wish they didn't happen.

I've been looking up all the places that I used to live and go for school during my lifetime on Google Maps, which got my whole family excited.  It was a great time of bonding, recalling the random buildings and the memories with them, reflecting back to our sweet old days..I even decided to make a map with all of my "homes" and schools just for old times' sake.  I think I'm becoming really nostalgic, especially as we've been watching our old recorded videos.  Oh, how I miss those times.  I wish I could go back to those places with my family and see how different it is now compared to back then.

Song of the Month: Raise Up the Crown (All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name) - Chris Tomlin

All hail the power of Jesus' name!
Let angels prostrate fall
Bring forth the royal diadem
And crown Him Lord of all
Bring forth the royal diadem
And crown Him Lord of all

Ye chosen seed of Israel's race
Ye ransomed from the fall
Hail Him who saves you by His grace
And crown Him Lord of all
Hail Him who saves you by His grace
And crown Him Lord of all

Raise up the crown, rise on the praises
Rest on the brow of the King of the ages

O that with yonder sacred throng
We at His feet may fall!
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown Him Lord of all
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown Him Lord of all



Happy early birthday, Jesus!

REFLECTION: that dreadful number

To be honest, I wanted to stay as a 22-year-old.  I didn't want time to pass.  Somehow calling myself a 22-year-old made me feel a bit more secure than if I were a year older.  23 would signify that I would have some sort of independent life...or is it?  I felt pressured that I should be doing something useful in my life by now, as I had expected years ago, even though nobody gave me that pressure.  I was just expecting a lot of things from myself, and honestly I still do.  I hate myself for doing this to me, but without that pressure, I know I wouldn't be doing anything useful.  If that can motivate me to do something in life, then why shouldn't I accept it?  Now I need to get used to saying "I'm 23" and face the harsh reality that doesn't really care.

I know it's gonna be just another day that will eventually pass and come back again year after year.  It's not that special anymore.  No more parties that parents arrange for the kids.  Now that I'm out of college and commuting to grad school, making plans to hang out with friends is difficult.  Now I'm the one that has to schedule a hangout or dinner in case someone forgot or didn't plan a surprise for me.  I never really got my hopes up for my birthday, because ever since my parents stopped planning birthday parties for me, I expected too much and got disappointed every time.  It's sad, I know, but I learned to accept this reality.  Honestly, who cares that nobody, especially family members and close friends, remembers my birthday and would only know by looking up on Facebook?  Why should I make such a big deal out of this?  I'm just grateful to be alive for however many years I've lived so far, and I'm truly thankful for my parents who gave birth to me and raised me up to be where I am today.  I think about this, and I have to say that this makes my heart warmer than multiple surprise parties that I've always wanted.  I think about all the pains that my parents had to go through because of me, and I appreciate their time and effort on me to help me grow stronger.  It feels great to see how faithful God has been throughout my life, despite the hardships and challenges (or rather, because of them).  It's funny how materialistic things get you hyped up for a second, but the things that we take for granted, such as an act of kindness and our parents raising us, are sometimes the ones that will hype us up even more, whether we realize it or not.

It's almost 2 hours till I turn 23.  Now is the time to embrace that dreadful number and actually look forward to growing older, even if after all that pressure I stay the way I am now or even worse.  Now is also the time to appreciate the little things that my family and friends do to me instead of relying on things that are visible and eventually fading.