Wow, I didn't realize it's New Years Eve so soon. I think I lost all that excitement for the new year. It just feels like any other day. Once New Years Day comes and goes, it's back to whatever we were doing before. It doesn't feel that special anymore. A lot has happened this year, though, and I'm thankful for new changes, even though sometimes I wish they didn't happen.
I've been looking up all the places that I used to live and go for school during my lifetime on Google Maps, which got my whole family excited. It was a great time of bonding, recalling the random buildings and the memories with them, reflecting back to our sweet old days..I even decided to make a map with all of my "homes" and schools just for old times' sake. I think I'm becoming really nostalgic, especially as we've been watching our old recorded videos. Oh, how I miss those times. I wish I could go back to those places with my family and see how different it is now compared to back then.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Song of the Month: Raise Up the Crown (All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name) - Chris Tomlin
All hail the power of Jesus' name!
Let angels prostrate fall
Bring forth the royal diadem
And crown Him Lord of all
Bring forth the royal diadem
And crown Him Lord of all
Ye chosen seed of Israel's race
Ye ransomed from the fall
Hail Him who saves you by His grace
And crown Him Lord of all
Hail Him who saves you by His grace
And crown Him Lord of all
Raise up the crown, rise on the praises
Rest on the brow of the King of the ages
O that with yonder sacred throng
We at His feet may fall!
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown Him Lord of all
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown Him Lord of all
Happy early birthday, Jesus!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
REFLECTION: that dreadful number
To be honest, I wanted to stay as a 22-year-old. I didn't want time to pass. Somehow calling myself a 22-year-old made me feel a bit more secure than if I were a year older. 23 would signify that I would have some sort of independent life...or is it? I felt pressured that I should be doing something useful in my life by now, as I had expected years ago, even though nobody gave me that pressure. I was just expecting a lot of things from myself, and honestly I still do. I hate myself for doing this to me, but without that pressure, I know I wouldn't be doing anything useful. If that can motivate me to do something in life, then why shouldn't I accept it? Now I need to get used to saying "I'm 23" and face the harsh reality that doesn't really care.
I know it's gonna be just another day that will eventually pass and come back again year after year. It's not that special anymore. No more parties that parents arrange for the kids. Now that I'm out of college and commuting to grad school, making plans to hang out with friends is difficult. Now I'm the one that has to schedule a hangout or dinner in case someone forgot or didn't plan a surprise for me. I never really got my hopes up for my birthday, because ever since my parents stopped planning birthday parties for me, I expected too much and got disappointed every time. It's sad, I know, but I learned to accept this reality. Honestly, who cares that nobody, especially family members and close friends, remembers my birthday and would only know by looking up on Facebook? Why should I make such a big deal out of this? I'm just grateful to be alive for however many years I've lived so far, and I'm truly thankful for my parents who gave birth to me and raised me up to be where I am today. I think about this, and I have to say that this makes my heart warmer than multiple surprise parties that I've always wanted. I think about all the pains that my parents had to go through because of me, and I appreciate their time and effort on me to help me grow stronger. It feels great to see how faithful God has been throughout my life, despite the hardships and challenges (or rather, because of them). It's funny how materialistic things get you hyped up for a second, but the things that we take for granted, such as an act of kindness and our parents raising us, are sometimes the ones that will hype us up even more, whether we realize it or not.
It's almost 2 hours till I turn 23. Now is the time to embrace that dreadful number and actually look forward to growing older, even if after all that pressure I stay the way I am now or even worse. Now is also the time to appreciate the little things that my family and friends do to me instead of relying on things that are visible and eventually fading.
I know it's gonna be just another day that will eventually pass and come back again year after year. It's not that special anymore. No more parties that parents arrange for the kids. Now that I'm out of college and commuting to grad school, making plans to hang out with friends is difficult. Now I'm the one that has to schedule a hangout or dinner in case someone forgot or didn't plan a surprise for me. I never really got my hopes up for my birthday, because ever since my parents stopped planning birthday parties for me, I expected too much and got disappointed every time. It's sad, I know, but I learned to accept this reality. Honestly, who cares that nobody, especially family members and close friends, remembers my birthday and would only know by looking up on Facebook? Why should I make such a big deal out of this? I'm just grateful to be alive for however many years I've lived so far, and I'm truly thankful for my parents who gave birth to me and raised me up to be where I am today. I think about this, and I have to say that this makes my heart warmer than multiple surprise parties that I've always wanted. I think about all the pains that my parents had to go through because of me, and I appreciate their time and effort on me to help me grow stronger. It feels great to see how faithful God has been throughout my life, despite the hardships and challenges (or rather, because of them). It's funny how materialistic things get you hyped up for a second, but the things that we take for granted, such as an act of kindness and our parents raising us, are sometimes the ones that will hype us up even more, whether we realize it or not.
It's almost 2 hours till I turn 23. Now is the time to embrace that dreadful number and actually look forward to growing older, even if after all that pressure I stay the way I am now or even worse. Now is also the time to appreciate the little things that my family and friends do to me instead of relying on things that are visible and eventually fading.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Song of the Month: God Is Not a White Man - Gungor
God is not a white man
God is not a man sitting on a cloud
God cannot be bought
God will not be boxed in
God will not be owned by religion
but God is Love,
God is Love,
and He loves everyone
God is Love,
God is Love,
and He loves everyone
God is not a man
God is not an old man
and God does not belong to Republicans
God is not a flag
not even American
and God does not depend on a government
but God is good,
God is good,
and He loves everyone
God is good,
God is good,
and He loves everyone
oh, oh, duh, duh, duh, duh
athiests and charlatans,
and communists and lesbians,
and even ol' Pat Robertson
Oh God, He loves us all
Catholic or Protestant,
terrorist or president,
everybody, everybody loved, loved, loved, oh
la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la
God is Love
God is Love
and He loves everyone
la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la
stop the hating, please just stop the hating now
'cause God is Love
oh, oh, oh
la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la
REFLECTION: no longer a child
As I was doing my usual thing at work, my boss made a remark about one of the students that no matter how many times he told the kid to focus, the kid obviously didn't listen and thus got poor results on his mock test. That made me think of how my parents would yell at me for spending way too much time on the internet till I went to college. Then I came to a sudden realization that I am no longer a child. Even though I may behave like one sometimes (who knows, maybe all the time), what made me realize that I'm now an adult was the fact that my parents don't yell at me anymore. After college, everything became different; I was now free from my parents' (mostly my mom's) wrath.
For some reason, though, I'm feeling antsy about this. I feel uncomfortable that my life can be as free as I want it to be, because all these years I've been watched, observed, and criticized, but now I have only myself to rely on for feedback, which is the worst kind. As much as I hated feedback on how to live my life, I miss it. Who knows where I would end up if I were to lead my own life? I'm not totally confident that things will work out now that I'm in control, because I know I need someone to control me.
And then comes hope. Yes, I'm insecure, and as odd as this may sound, I'm thankful that I am, because there is someone that I can trust and rely on to control my life. Now that I'm out of my parents' hands, I am transferred over to the One that is more fatherly and motherly. I may be an adult in this world, but the fact that I'm His child will never change. He'll always have my back when I'm falling, just as a father would carry a toddler into his arms when the toddler falls backwards from trying to walk forward.
For some reason, though, I'm feeling antsy about this. I feel uncomfortable that my life can be as free as I want it to be, because all these years I've been watched, observed, and criticized, but now I have only myself to rely on for feedback, which is the worst kind. As much as I hated feedback on how to live my life, I miss it. Who knows where I would end up if I were to lead my own life? I'm not totally confident that things will work out now that I'm in control, because I know I need someone to control me.
And then comes hope. Yes, I'm insecure, and as odd as this may sound, I'm thankful that I am, because there is someone that I can trust and rely on to control my life. Now that I'm out of my parents' hands, I am transferred over to the One that is more fatherly and motherly. I may be an adult in this world, but the fact that I'm His child will never change. He'll always have my back when I'm falling, just as a father would carry a toddler into his arms when the toddler falls backwards from trying to walk forward.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
REFLECTION: An epiphany (warning: it's long)
It's been months since I've updated this. It's been weeks since I came to live life without pursuing a goal but just as it is -- school, work, church, fantasy. And it's been days since I realized I should probably do something with my life. Have I done anything about it? Not really. I felt guilty, but I didn't want to think of this as a chore, a to-do list, so I kinda brushed it off and decided to reach out to Him when I felt really in need of Him. At some point, at His perfect timing, God will bring me back to Him, so I guess I'll just wait.
Even though I slept around midnight after watching only a few episodes of Scrubs, I woke up early in the morning a little after 6am. I couldn't believe it. Why now? I had one more hour till my alarm would ring so that I could get ready for work. I had my eyes closed and tried to fall asleep again by fantasizing about meeting a celebrity. It seemed so cool and everything, and it was perhaps because of this excitement that I couldn't fall asleep even more. By the time my alarm rang, I was already fully awake with my eyes open. I wondered why I woke up so early in the first place.
While eating breakfast, I told my mom that I woke up at 6am. Then the conversation went something like this:
Mom: Oh really? Did you pray?
Me: (confused) Uh, no. Why?
Mom: He's telling you that you should pray. He wants to talk to you.
Ahh, I didn't think about that. He wanted me to talk to Him? And I blew it off by thinking about other stuff that satisfied and pleased me? Way to go, girl. Way to go.
On my way to work, I thought about my conversation with my mom and decided to pray in the car. I got to work 10 minutes early, so I stayed in the car with my Christian playlist on. I wanted to listen and sing the lyrics of the songs that played so that this would be my worship to Him before I started praying. The next song was David Crowder Band's All Creatures #2, and the slow but amazing guitar intro set the mood. I was ready to pray.
I thought about how to start praying. I didn't want the same old "God, You're great. I'm messed up. Thanks for forgiving and loving me. Help me become a better person. K thanks, bye" thing. I wanted this to be a genuine moment with Him, but I needed help to express my feelings and truly understand how much God meant to me.
Then came the memories.
Back in 1997 or 1998 (I think), my family was settling in England. One day, we went out for a drive, and I, being an immature 7 year old, thought it would be cool to lie down on the flat spot behind the backseats (where we would usually leave a box of tissues in a 5-person car) while my dad was still driving. My mom was telling me to come down, but I refused. She was dragging me down, but I was whining and crying that I wasn't allowed to do whatever I wanted. Then I heard a siren behind me, and as I turned my head towards the rear window, I saw a cop on a motorcycle signaling my dad to pull over.
Uh oh, this can't be good.
I turned dead silent and immediately sat on the back middle seat. My mom hurriedly put my seatbelt on while my dad was talking to the cop outside. The cop then turned to look at us and checked if we were all buckled up. It only took a second for him to check on us, but it felt a lot longer to me. I was scared that my dad would be arrested, and we would have to survive without him (c'mon, I was 7 years old). I regretted every moment of what just happened before. This wasn't the first time it happened, but being caught for the first time by a foreign police in a foreign land made things so much scarier. That was when I realized how much of a burden I was to my parents. I got them into trouble, even though it was my fault. They had to say sorry, even though they didn't do anything wrong. The cop eventually let us go with a warning, but I still couldn't help but think about the fact that I was the messed up one that my parents had to deal with. I don't recall what happened next, but I'm sure my parents didn't express any bitterness about it; it would've been likely that my mom told me to be careful next time. I hope I did.
After that random moment of reminiscence, I began to see why I thought about this particular one in the first place. This was like my relationship with God. He was trying to teach me what was right, but I was too stubborn to listen to Him. I was upsetting Him. I was being a burden, a rebel like my 7 year old self back in England. I was still a 7 year old at heart. But when I came to my senses that I was doing things wrong, He forgave me and took my sins away, allowing me to start again. I was messed up, prioritizing what was important to me and thinking that His plans would revolve around mine, but He still loved me. How awesome is that?? Even though I can't forgive myself for my actions, He's telling me that He can, and I should graciously accept His forgiveness.
My parents showed me from early on what God's love was, and I feel so thankful that I could remember a traumatizing moment like that in a positive way. Thanks to Him, I see how immature I've been during these past weeks and how important it is for me to take action and spend more time with Him whenever I have the chance to be alone. He deserves it; no more waiting now.
Even though I slept around midnight after watching only a few episodes of Scrubs, I woke up early in the morning a little after 6am. I couldn't believe it. Why now? I had one more hour till my alarm would ring so that I could get ready for work. I had my eyes closed and tried to fall asleep again by fantasizing about meeting a celebrity. It seemed so cool and everything, and it was perhaps because of this excitement that I couldn't fall asleep even more. By the time my alarm rang, I was already fully awake with my eyes open. I wondered why I woke up so early in the first place.
While eating breakfast, I told my mom that I woke up at 6am. Then the conversation went something like this:
Mom: Oh really? Did you pray?
Me: (confused) Uh, no. Why?
Mom: He's telling you that you should pray. He wants to talk to you.
Ahh, I didn't think about that. He wanted me to talk to Him? And I blew it off by thinking about other stuff that satisfied and pleased me? Way to go, girl. Way to go.
On my way to work, I thought about my conversation with my mom and decided to pray in the car. I got to work 10 minutes early, so I stayed in the car with my Christian playlist on. I wanted to listen and sing the lyrics of the songs that played so that this would be my worship to Him before I started praying. The next song was David Crowder Band's All Creatures #2, and the slow but amazing guitar intro set the mood. I was ready to pray.
I thought about how to start praying. I didn't want the same old "God, You're great. I'm messed up. Thanks for forgiving and loving me. Help me become a better person. K thanks, bye" thing. I wanted this to be a genuine moment with Him, but I needed help to express my feelings and truly understand how much God meant to me.
Then came the memories.
Back in 1997 or 1998 (I think), my family was settling in England. One day, we went out for a drive, and I, being an immature 7 year old, thought it would be cool to lie down on the flat spot behind the backseats (where we would usually leave a box of tissues in a 5-person car) while my dad was still driving. My mom was telling me to come down, but I refused. She was dragging me down, but I was whining and crying that I wasn't allowed to do whatever I wanted. Then I heard a siren behind me, and as I turned my head towards the rear window, I saw a cop on a motorcycle signaling my dad to pull over.
Uh oh, this can't be good.
I turned dead silent and immediately sat on the back middle seat. My mom hurriedly put my seatbelt on while my dad was talking to the cop outside. The cop then turned to look at us and checked if we were all buckled up. It only took a second for him to check on us, but it felt a lot longer to me. I was scared that my dad would be arrested, and we would have to survive without him (c'mon, I was 7 years old). I regretted every moment of what just happened before. This wasn't the first time it happened, but being caught for the first time by a foreign police in a foreign land made things so much scarier. That was when I realized how much of a burden I was to my parents. I got them into trouble, even though it was my fault. They had to say sorry, even though they didn't do anything wrong. The cop eventually let us go with a warning, but I still couldn't help but think about the fact that I was the messed up one that my parents had to deal with. I don't recall what happened next, but I'm sure my parents didn't express any bitterness about it; it would've been likely that my mom told me to be careful next time. I hope I did.
After that random moment of reminiscence, I began to see why I thought about this particular one in the first place. This was like my relationship with God. He was trying to teach me what was right, but I was too stubborn to listen to Him. I was upsetting Him. I was being a burden, a rebel like my 7 year old self back in England. I was still a 7 year old at heart. But when I came to my senses that I was doing things wrong, He forgave me and took my sins away, allowing me to start again. I was messed up, prioritizing what was important to me and thinking that His plans would revolve around mine, but He still loved me. How awesome is that?? Even though I can't forgive myself for my actions, He's telling me that He can, and I should graciously accept His forgiveness.
My parents showed me from early on what God's love was, and I feel so thankful that I could remember a traumatizing moment like that in a positive way. Thanks to Him, I see how immature I've been during these past weeks and how important it is for me to take action and spend more time with Him whenever I have the chance to be alone. He deserves it; no more waiting now.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Song of the Month: Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams) - Daft Punk
Like the legend of the phoenix
All ends with beginnings
What keeps the planet spinning (uh)
The force of love beginning
(Look)
We've come too far to give up who we are
So let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars
She's up all night 'til the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky
We're up all night 'til the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
The present has no ribbon
Your gift keeps on giving,
What is this I'm feeling?
If you wanna leave I'm ready (ah)
We've come too far to give up who we are
So let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars
She's up all night 'til the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky
We're up all night 'til the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
(We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get)
(We're up all night to get (together)
We're up all night to get (let's get funked again)
We're up all night to get funky
We're up all night to get lucky)
(We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky)
(We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky)
We've (we're up all night to get lucky)
Come too far (we're up all night to get lucky)
To give up (we're up all night to get lucky)
Who we are (we're up all night to get lucky)
So let's (we're up all night to get lucky)
Raise the bar (we're up all night to get lucky)
And our cups (we're up all night to get lucky)
To the stars (we're up all night to get lucky)
She's up all night 'til the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky
We're up all night 'til the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
REFLECTION: This blog
So...you haven't been here in a while. What's the point of this blog anyway?
You know what, I really don't know anymore. I'm not a blogger, I guess.
You know what, I really don't know anymore. I'm not a blogger, I guess.
Song of the Month: Wide Awake - Katy Perry
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete
[Chorus]
Falling from cloud nine
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine
I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end
[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete
[Chorus]
Falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud nine
I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake
I'm not blind anymore...
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
[Chorus]
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud nine
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Places I've lived in/been to (as of May 2013)
(forget the pink and orange pointers)
Next stops: Africa, North Korea, Cancun, China
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Vision
Q: What is the vision of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship on Cook/Douglass campus at Rutgers University?
A: InterVarsity's overall vision is to see students and faculty transformed, campuses renewed, and world changers developed. Its purpose is as follows: "in response to God's love, grace, and truth, [it is] to establish and advance at colleges and universities witnessing communities of students and faculty who follow Jesus as Savior and Lord: growing in love for God, God's Word, God's people of every ethnicity and culture and God's purposes in the world." We believe that when a person sees who God actually is, then his life will be radically transformed. We as part of InterVarsity at Rutgers exist on campus for the simple reason that we want people to meet Jesus. We have large group meetings (where students have the opportunity to listen to a speaker and to respond to God's Word) and small group meetings (where a smaller group of people gather to study the Bible, have discussions, and build a community). We also care for our Rutgers, especially Cook/Douglass, community and want to fight against social injustice, such as homelessness and human trafficking.
A: InterVarsity's overall vision is to see students and faculty transformed, campuses renewed, and world changers developed. Its purpose is as follows: "in response to God's love, grace, and truth, [it is] to establish and advance at colleges and universities witnessing communities of students and faculty who follow Jesus as Savior and Lord: growing in love for God, God's Word, God's people of every ethnicity and culture and God's purposes in the world." We believe that when a person sees who God actually is, then his life will be radically transformed. We as part of InterVarsity at Rutgers exist on campus for the simple reason that we want people to meet Jesus. We have large group meetings (where students have the opportunity to listen to a speaker and to respond to God's Word) and small group meetings (where a smaller group of people gather to study the Bible, have discussions, and build a community). We also care for our Rutgers, especially Cook/Douglass, community and want to fight against social injustice, such as homelessness and human trafficking.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Song of the Month: You Gotta Be - Des'ree
Listen as your day unfoldes
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiserYou gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my, hey ...
You gotta be You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiserYou gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be strongerYou gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay togetherAll I know, all I know, love will save the day
Time asks no questionsIt goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
Oh oh oh
Remember Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my hey hey hey..
You gotta be You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiserYou gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be strongerYou gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay togetherAll I know, all I know, love will save the day
You gotta be bold You gotta be bad You gotta be wiseNo never sad You gotta be hard But not too, too hardAll i know is love will save the day
Thursday, January 3, 2013
REFLECTION: don't stop reading the Bible!
Even though I have a slight urge to read the Bible more, I only committed myself to read a chapter per day, which I've done already. So I should be all good now.
No, no, no, no, no....keep reading!
If you have the urge to read the Bible, then read it! It's the Holy Spirit that is empowering you to learn more about God and His goodness. Don't lose that opportunity.
No, no, no, no, no....keep reading!
If you have the urge to read the Bible, then read it! It's the Holy Spirit that is empowering you to learn more about God and His goodness. Don't lose that opportunity.
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